two women gossiping under hair dryers, 1950s-era

Hairy Moments: the Deep Roots of Women’s Hair History

This is the beginning of a series of posts originally posted on a wonderful and lovely website called Dangerous Minds which is now a thing of the past. Please enjoy them as I truly enjoyed writing them and didn’t think they should have dwindled away into the ether of the Internet.

This is one of my all-time favorite photographs. I have no idea who took it, where it was taken, dunno who the hell these ladies are. But goddamn. I adore them all.

I’ve seen tons of people look at this photo and mock these women for unconventional hairstyles, awkward facial expressions, and what is likely a highly Texan aesthetic (my geographic guess). Fine, laugh. But there’s something so charming, so uniquely pleasurable about the way these women (probably family) are enjoying each other’s company, standing out in that ratty backyard. That yard of dead grass laid out in front of a patio overhang that seems to be one short storm away from crashing to the ground. And our youngest girl- the one with the flowing hippie hair and glasses- she’s wearing pink slippers! There’s this weird strength reflected here in this cadre of creatively-coiffed chicks. I bet they made great cocktails and killer cookies.

Women’s hair and beauty dynamics are intensely personal. Since the beginning of time women have invested spaces like beauty parlours/salons with the power of the personal in order to have a location to freely access aesthetic self-care practices. Generally, we do this for our own benefit, to impress someone else or both. These spaces have also traditionally served another equally important function: they are community social zones and “safe spaces” for women to gossip, exchange intimacies that they would never do around male friends/family. Beauty parlours have always served a critical function for women.

The cosmetology world made huge advances in the 1920s. Thanks to the invention of the hair salon (and hair salon franchise) by Canadian-American business woman Martha Matilda Harper, women’s beauty centers shifted from “home visits” to the communal environment we are now familiar with. Harper sold many of the franchise models to lower income women and ended up profiting greatly as a result, even though it could have failed. 

With these advances, there are some unfortunate facts. These sacred communal spaces were structured for Straight White Women and they have never quite lost that flavor, even today. What’s most unfortunate (but not surprising) is that there are women of color who helped establish this space and should be far more famous than they are. Women like Sarah Breedlove Walker aka Madame CJ Walker was born to freed slaves and was an extraordinary businessperson. Employing some of the highest numbers of black women in the United States, Walker developed her own line of beauty products and became one of the first self-made millionaires in the United States.

Looking through what has been visually documented on this topic, it is very rare to see women of color getting their nails done or sitting under a dryer. One of the most unfortunately things salons have done has been to reinforce the “Whiteness is the ideal beauty standard” concept. 

The photographs of beauty parlours and women sharing moments are great. There are outstanding and surreal bouffants and curls, brilliant beehives and up-dos galore. And who knows what they’re chatting about? They could be sharing recipes or gossip about their horribly abusive husband because it is under that dryer that they feel safe. We’ll never know. 

I do know one thing, however. The privilege in those shots gives me pause. I treasure these photographic connections between women during “hair moments” and that helps me examine intense pictures like this one deeper. It is from a Japanese internment camp in Colorado, and this is a beauty salon that they created because there was a need.

These spaces are precious. 

Being a Writer: Working With Trauma

The thing about being a writer is that you need to write.

The problem with having AuADHD is that you need routines and things that require deadlines.

Put the two together and…pretty damn fine writer.

Until you run out of deadlines. Or pieces to write. Or you get picky and niche. 

Or people are too flexible with you.

Or…you find some reason not to be writing.

And you end up depriving yourself of the greatest joy you’ve ever felt in your life: better than sex, better than romance, better than a perfectly cooked meal. And you don’t know why you’re so cruel to yourself, so abusive. You weren’t raised this way.

You were taught to celebrate your gifts. And you usually do. You’re so proud of the work you’ve done; the things you’ve accomplished. 

Then Big Trauma busts its way into your life like Lee Marvin in Who Shot Liberty Valance? and, like, what the fuck else are you expected to do? You’ve tried all the “normie shit”- drinking, fucking, eating…even that new-fangled thing all the kids are talking about called “bed-rotting” but it still doesn’t get you the same high. You know no one is gonna read what you write (or precious few) but what the hell are you supposed to do when you find yourself this alone in a foreign country and nothing makes sense anymore?

Oh.

Yeah.

You do what you’re best at.

You write anyway. So I am. And I’m going to.

I cannot describe the pain of losing two of the most influential people of my last 35 years within the same 5 months. I think that as a writer, that may be the worst part. I have so many words for so many things. I can describe decaying flesh, wild parties, drug-induced orgies…but I have no vocabulary for what it feels like to experience what I am now realizing is the loss of my youth. I am old now. My young times existed in the most glitteringly golden safe space where I was treasured and loved and held and protected from all the worst elements. It was punk rock at its finest. Bowling alleys and strip poker; mushrooms and trust. I have never been in love the way I loved everyone in my FriendFamily.
I am still madly in love with each of them in a way that no one but them will ever understand.
Dumb jokes about being in someone’s pants and the sounds of ska, Agent Orange and Oingo Boingo quilted into the Santa Ana Winds.

I danced and drank and celebrated life and us for a solid weekend back in the US and it was like one of those Big Chill experiences and that was both nightmarish and heavenly. FTR, our soundtrack was WAY fucking better, end of story. And The Big Chill rules.

But…..I’m obvs biased.
Also, I’m right.
But those of you who knew the person involved Get What I’m Sayin’.

I don’t even know.

I want my mommy and I HAVE my mommy but my mommy is also all of my friends that I’ve known since I was a nerdy teenager who told me how proud of me they are and gave me more love than I’ve felt in a long time.

See, I don’t regret moving to Korea.

Especially now that my former home is a fascist state

But I also feel like Bruce Dern in Silent Running sometimes…like I’m doing something really important but it’s super lonely and like…plants can’t talk back. And robots? They’re just robots.

If you don’t get that reference just, see Silent Running. It’s genius. 

I miss talking to people who get my references. 

Is being brave worth it if you have to put your heart and soul in your back pocket sometimes because people are just not gonna get that George Romero joke?

Anyway, back to trauma and writing.

What writer wasn’t chock full o’trauma.

Can you really call yourself a writer or an artist if you don’t have trauma? 

I guess I just didn’t need all this all at once. It’s a little much. But maybe I did. I’m writing.

And, more importantly, I want to be writing. 

I want to be writing more than I want to be doing almost anything else right now so I’m trying to focus on that. I want to talk about the things that I love. Why I’m here. So I realize it’s been a long while. 

But I am going to make an effort to come back. 

It’s only fair to me.

You may not give a shit about me or my writing but hell- it’s the best thing I do.